It Rubs Off

The past week or so our church (I know, snore ...) has been talking about parenting, family and relationships. There's not big application, no major revelation, nothing earth shattering for me to say here, but something I've found that is profoundly powerful. For a parent you have a matrix in your child's life (from birth till they leave the house); on one end is control and on the other is influence. As babies you control the life of you baby, infant and toddler you decide what they eat, when they sleep, what they wear. As your child ages you (should) move away from controlling aspects of their lives and move toward influence -- influence by observation or conversation. I can't say that we've been excellent at this as our kids have grown up - especially with Abigail (who is 8 and those controlling moments as a parent are all but gone) -- but I have noticed the impact of both. The more I try to control the outcome of something, the less my desired outcome happens. This applies to more than just being a parent. More control gains less influence; and less influence damages a hierarchical relationship (where you are the authority or leader). As the kids get older and make more decisions that I have no control over, I want them to make good decisions; and for that to happen I need to make sure I'm not manhandling them (exasperating them, controlling them) but teaching them by influence into those right decisions. I've always "known" this, but putting it into practice, that's something I will always need to work on.