Accidentally Stumbled Upon A Decision (I Tried Not To Make)

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This is an idea Christie and I have talked about. I am kind of in the camp that God equips you with the ability to make decisions and it's not always like "God tell me explicitly what to do."

I have Christian friends who are like, "Well we decided to stop using birth control and if God wants us pregnant then we'll get pregnant." Uhhh, well, congrats cuz you are gonna be pregnant.

However, I do feel God is asking me to take bigger risks in my life and trust in him that he will not leave me stranded.

But it's interesting that we are having similar conversations.

Wow. Paul, this is also something Dan and I have recently had to discuss. Because of my current medical situation (aneurysm, surgery, etc.) we've had to really have some hard discussions about our family and whether or not to permanently end any chance of expanding it.

Sorry to hear you are going through this. You are all dearly loved and being prayed for.

Thanks guys; it's all good stuff. When it comes to things that you can actually do something tangible (such as use birth control, or take a job, etc) then I believe God's wants us to do something -- not just sit back and do nothing and expect (and blame) God when it doesn't turn out how we want. For us, it was a matter of saying what we expected, coming to an agreement and plan; rather than avoiding conversation and putting that unspoken belief onto a scapegoat. There are plenty of things in life when we do have to have faith, where we don't have a good answer or any answer or direction at all ... but for us, this was not one of those occasions.

Sure, if you do something that has a potential consequence, you should expect the possibility that consequence will come about. But I'm not sure what you are saying in relation to your particular situation. Are you saying that you did not expect to get pregnant, or are you saying that the intention or lack thereof changes the moral status of becoming pregnant?

I just don't understand what could have happened differently if you had actively intended to become pregnant. Maybe if you had been more diligent you would have gotten pregnant sooner, but that's about it. And if you really didn't want to be pregnant, then you would have acted accordingly. I don't see being open to a possibility without actively intending that outcome to be irresponsible. I get into a car regularly and I know that it's a possibility that I will die in a car crash, but I don't actively desire that outcome. Similarly, my mind is often elsewhere, and I'm not actively intending to not get in an accident. Does that make it wrong for me to get into the car?

Don't misunderstand me — I'm not saying that getting into a car and driving blithely is the ethical equivalent of having sex without birth control blithely. I'm just saying that I don't consider it wrong or irresponsible to have sex without intending to make a baby in that instance, as long as you have acknowledged that it. is a possibility. And you know that, I'm pretty sure.

Maybe I just don't get it. I've only been married for two years, so I don't have the same perspective.

Our problem was that neither one of us wanted to talk to each other about how we felt about having another child -- we weren't on the same page, but rather than talk it out, we just passively did nothing; made no effort in either direction; and just said "God, if you want us to have a kid, then give us a kid"; which gave us the ability to avoid taking any responsibility in 1) communicating with each other about what we felt 2) taking an person responsibility for what we were (and weren't) doing ...

It's pretty obvious that having sex with no means of birth control, the likelihood is pregnancy, but at the same time; as a couple, if you've never discussed the ramifications of that action, how you both feel about it (how many kids do you want, how long do you want to try to have kids, what if you can't have kids, what if you don't want kids?), and if you avoid that conversation and pass the responsibility to God (or chance, or luck, or whatever); then you're playing with fire. Ultimately it is up to God, but he wants us to have a plan, not just blame him for our actions (or in actions) ... I think that's what I'm getting at.

i liked this, paul.

we always wrestle with this, and my personality lends itself to being lazy with decisions (i.e. having decisions made by others or my inaction) as opposed to deliberately steering my life.

at the same time, some things arent up to us. we have friends who can't have a baby, even though they want one with all their heart. helps us remember that it's a blessing to have a kid, and that it's not totally up to us if we do or not.

we made the decision that if it happens we'll be happy, but it's not totally up to us. it's up to us to make the decision to be content with any result.