comfort in the minor key

Most of my life has been lived in what you could metaphorically call a minor key. I am familiar with it and it has a familiar salving comfort and is condusive to reflection. Though there are many little things to smile about in life, the first warm breeze of a spring day in Ohio, the laughter of my children playing in the backyard, a fresh warm cup of coffee, an encouraging word of a dear friend, a verse of scripture read - fitting for the moment, there are those times that remind me of a verse in the Bible found in John: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." It reminds me that we are not spared from trouble; it's just a by product of life and God reminds me that He is with me. It is small strands of words like that that hold me together during the periods in life when grief is my companion and silent tears shed over newborn pajamas that will never be worn and frog puppets, and the softest yellow teething blanket will not be used because our third child is not coming anymore. I hoped and waited, became attached and wrote down the names in my journal and on my heart. Our hopes and dreams will not come to fruition. I have come to believe that along with the other losses I've experienced in life, the hurt will not go away...I am not spared these troubles, but I am promised comfort....an invisible shoulder to cry on. And then I am reminded of yet an even more dear verse to me: Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. If it weren't for that I fear I could die of a broken heart. Grief is painful and cannot be escaped. I think it is described well in the following passage found in a book by an amazing kentucky author, Wendell Berry, called HANNA COULTER: "I need to tell about my people in their grief. I don't think grief is something they get over or get away from. In a little community like this it is around us and in us all the time, and we know it. We know that every night war or no war there are people lying awake grieving. And every morning there are people waking up to absences that never will be filled. But, we shut our mouths and go ahead. How we are is 'fine'. There are always a few who will recite their complaints, but the proper answer to 'How are you?' is 'fine.' " After experiencing a miscarriage for myself, I now am aware of how deep the pain and grief can go for other women who have experienced what I have experienced. I want there to be an outlet .......a support group.......a place where we can go where we can share and listen and know that we can say more than....."we are fine" ....especially when those words are not honestly how we feel. I'll leave you with something I wrote to help deal with my loss: a late bloomer it is fitting that come spring no buds will be showing on my tree we cannot hope for rain to wash away the scars of these barren branches where life once sprang Oh a memory and when the sun shines it will burn and I will ache for spring showers in place of buds so long lttle flower that could have been I'll see you in the shining rays and twinkling stars under the angel's wings my Lily