The One Where I Realize Our Son Might Live In A Mobile Home Or Be An Axe Murderer
by Paul (3 Comments) 
Elliott is somewhat "eccentric" in his though processes -- as what we like to say as "abstract" (which is just another way of saying he seems to lack both common sense and inhibition). He tends to do first, and think later, and never once question the decision that was made.
Last weekend he wanted to open his new Slip N' Slide™ -- rather than ask an adult for help (which we've told tried to tattoo into his cerebral cortex; but its magically laser-removed) he found a pair of scissors and started to stab the box like he was Norman Bates. That obviously left the plastic full of holes (that weren't already there).
Elliott, why would you think its ok to stab a box to open it up?"
Mommy
"I wanted to see it, and I saw a yellow light, then a green light in my head".
Elliot aka "Captain Oblivious"
So, we're reinforcing "All thoughts you have -- there's a RED light ... R-E-D LIGHT".
It doesn't appear to be working because ...
This morning is the typical Saturday -- cleaning, housing sprucing up, tad bit of relaxing. While down in the basement Sonya noticed a large puddle around the trash basket. She went to clean it up and noticed -- hmm, that's yellow.
"Do you know why there's pee on the floor?"
Mommy -- aka Queen Exasperated
"Because there was a spider in the toilet so I peed in the trashcan; but I flushed the toilet"
**blink**blink**
That sound you hear? That's our brains exploding
"It's a Bird....It's a Plane....."
by Sonya (5 Comments)
No; it's not a bird and it's not a plane; It's just my son flying out of his sneakers during track, apparently.
After school yesterday, Elliott said to me, "Mom, Mrs. Zwarg (the gym teacher) said to me; 'tell your Mom to get you some gym shoes that don't fall off your feet when you run." to which I replied; "your sneakers keep falling off your feet when you're running?".
I thought about it and it went like this: I have no money for that (considering all the debt we are paying off etc. etc. yada yada). And so, instead of acting impulsively, spending money I don't have, I waited a day.
Today, Elliott tells me after track (matter-of-factly): "I ran the fastest today!" to which Abigail adds, "yeah! he ran right out of both his sneakers, fell down and then kept on running in his socks, and I beat a 4th grader today."
(aaaargh)....... I decided to take Elliott to the second-hand shop after dinner tonight with $4 in my wallet and a sit-n-spin that Elliott outgrew a few years ago. Maybe they'll buy it. And just maybe there will be a pair of sneakers exactly his size that he likes for not too much money.
It's the little things in life that mean so much! They bought the sit-n-spin for $3.30 and his sneakers cost $4.50 and Elliott thinks they are pretty cool - Shaq in black and white.......exactly his size. he ran in the store to show me how they worked. And apparently, the petty cash (which was anything but petty to me) turned out to be enough =-)
So, now Elliott can keep on flying, but not OUT of his sneakers.
Those madcap British
by Paul (11 Comments)
This past weekend we had a documentary film crew came to The Circus, filming the Whiskerino process and visiting various towns where there are bearded contestants. It was a great time meeting and visiting with the 3 gents -- Shawn, Bobby and Mark. Sometime on Sunday morning; before they hit the road for Nashville, I gave my brief interview with the crew and Elliott came up to me (during filming) and asked: Elliott: "How long will Mark sleep?" (it was like, 9:30 or so, not terribly late)
Me: "I don't know"
Elliott: "Do British people sleep for 18 hours?"
Me: "Yes, yes they do"
(All of this, I hope, made it on film) This morning on the way to school, Editors came on and here's the conversation that ensued (verbatim):Abigail: "Why do they say words different"
Me: "They're British"
Elliott: "Mark is British. Do they sleep 18 hours too?"
Abigail: "They all do ... right Daddy?"
Me: "That's right, they all do"
Elliott: "What time do they go to bed?"
Me: "I think right after lunch"
Can the moon break?
by Paul (4 Comments)
Can the moon break, because i would be scared to death and I would not like it one bit
Elliott, age 6 -- school journal
My favorite part (apart from the obvious writing) is the face he's making -- I can picture him making that face; as bits and pieces of the moon fall down upon our house.
Who knows what they latch onto
by Paul (2 Comments)
I don't often write things about family life, or having kids -- and there a few reason for that; partly the desire to keep separate my blog life from my real life (though, who am I kidding, they're one and the same), and partly the fact that our life, in the day to day living, is very common and dull. We wake up, barely make it out the door for school, work and do school stuff things all morning and afternoon, come back for dinner, homework, get ready for bed and sleep. See? Boring.
Sometimes funny things happen in between "life"; but in nearly the instant they happen, something else happens that totally obliterates that humor (usually with some fist-a-cuffs and potty talk, followed by crying, screaming, tongues sticking out and a few doors slamming -- oh yeah, its a treat). Many of you either don't have kids, or have very young kids and haven't quite reached this stage of "independence"; which is the equivalent of putting a leash on a bird. Somehow your kids become these mounds of person completely unlike you'd ever think. Their own humor. Their own likes, tastes, desires ... and in this house (one of the more important attributes); humor. I don't understand our kids humor -- and by "don't understand" I mean "get tired of", and by "humor" I mean "obsessive potty talk". We stupidly thought -- hey, if we forbid it, they'll just be all the more preoccupied with it, and if we let them indulge (at home), they're bound to tire of it. Except, not. DO NOT DO WHAT WE HAVE DONE. FLEE THAT INSTINCT WITH ALL DUE HASTE. Our kids have latched onto, not only the potty side, but the abstruse side of humor. As such and the like:
You just never know how your kids are going to turn out.
I like to smell my hands
by Paul (6 Comments)
I try to be candid and honest with whomever is out there reading about our life, family, struggles (as I've said before, there's nothing worse than feeling like you're alone, the only one experiencing something; and in most cases you are not). But in this case (which I'm about to lay bare), I'm pretty sure we are alone. On one hand its somewhat humorous, or endearing (no ... actually, its not) or small, and on the other its troubling, frustrating and odd.
I've always known that our kids will (most likely) be odd in certain ways. I'm odd; I'm highly sensitive to smells and textures, I'm tall, and probably a host of other things I myself don't even realize, its bound to rub off on your kids in ways you don't expect. Abigail walks like Frankenstein's monster and rocks back and forth (when working on homework, etc; mostly stemming from anxiety issues -- and as most of you know, we've been seeing professionals to help us with that). But now it seems that Elliott is developing his own, how shall I say it; idiosyncrasies.
We've known for a long time that Elliott is sensitive to smell, but lately that "sensitivity" has turned into an obsession. Compulsion. Whenever he touches something, he smells his hands (both of them, much like Mary Catherine Gallagher). Continually, near constantly throughout the day, you can catch him standing there with both is hands to his voice exploring a smell. His teacher has pointed it out, fearful that it will be distracting and maybe harmful (smelling glue, bad chemicals); I just wonder what would happen when he plays basketball (he catches the ball, drops it, smells his hands, the other team grabs the ball, goes the distance of the court and scores --- while Elliott still smells the sweat and leather on his hands). Elliott's also developed somewhat of a tick -- blinking (blinking hard and often; accompanied by a lip curl). It could be that his eyes are getting bad, that's my hope (as he seems to do it worse when watching something, or concentrating), but then again maybe its a compulsion or nervous habit.
Either way you look at it, we will probably have to send him to some specialist (like we do Abigail), to observe him for $150 an hour (which insurance may or may not cover), who may send us to another specialist, which has to consult with the school about how to "deal" with the behaviors, for years and years which may or may not help him, maybe. It seems the "oddities" of our kids piles up, and so do our therapy bills. Someday we may look back and laugh, right now I just pray our kids don't become "freaks".
